Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
