And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
