I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
