just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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