Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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