even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
