I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
