just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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