I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
