The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Randomize
