Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize