I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
