my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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