you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
