I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
There's always time for handjobs
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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