Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
