So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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