We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
