he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
honey bunches of taint.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
