She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
