The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
