yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
