Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
