At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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