david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
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