get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
