I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
