Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize