we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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