he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
