There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
