i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
