Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize