maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
