Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
