I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
