Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
