No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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