this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Four minutes until I can fart!
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
