Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I lost the right to judge tonight
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
