corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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