Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We just shotgunned beers for America
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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