Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
