I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
