I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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