a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
