It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
