I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
