The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
