it hurts more in the daytime
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
