We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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