Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
All I want is dick and wine.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
