I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
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