I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
