i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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