Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Randomize
