Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
