i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
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