Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i drank out of a bidet.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
