The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
