I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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