Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Dear god my vagina.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
