Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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