sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
