Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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