i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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